You rocked my world the moment you entered my life.

' Gregg Alexander, I love you so much.  There were a few times that people came to me and told me how much you could be my little brother, and I just told them you were.  Because you are.  You are the best and I feel blessed to know you and call you my brother.'

  I woke up to that one morning.  

  Big brother, I love you.  You know who you are.

I love, love, love you.

  I know why I am here.  Why God has me in this place.  To love and love hard on people.  To love them no matter what.  To help them realize that there is freedom in Christ.  To help them claim freedom for themselves.  To be a light(God's light) in this dark world.  To shine His light wherever I go.  To spread the contagious joy of the Lord.

 This is my purpose.  These are my gifts that God has blessed me with and shot through the core of my heart.  I am content.  I am at peace.  I am here to love.  Be free and fly with me.  It is yours!  God loves you more then you may know.  I love you.

God, my God.

  Even if I die alone. I swear I won't be lonely.

A small boy.

  A small boy who was adventurous and full of imagination.  He was bright and consumed by big dreams.  The way he saw the world was not in a way one would be used to.

  Days when he wished he was wanted and not alone on his adventures were many.  The boy had a big brother who shared all of his adventures with his friends rather instead of his little brother.


  One day the big brother and his friends thought that they would ask the little boy if he would like to play with them.  The little boy jumped at the opportunity to have some fun and adventure with his big brother and his friends.  What the little boy did not know was that the big brothers' friends had a evil twisted plan.


 Strange and unexpected things began to happen.  Clothes hit the floor.  Skin touched skin.  The boy suddenly did not feel adventurous anymore.  The little boy suddenly felt cold and empty.  His big brother and his friends became the monsters that would lurk in the dark crevices of the boys imagination.  He was terrified.  He did not like this adventure.

  The little boy ran to the closet and hid inside.  Piling toys and clothes on top of him so his brother and his friends could not find him.  It did not work because they were bigger and found him every time.


  The little boy looked into the face of his big brother wondering if all of this was alright?  His brother had a dark look on his face like he was an enemy and not a good guy in this adventure.


  Footsteps were heard coming up the stairs.  It was the two brothers' oldest sister.  Clothes flew back on.  The little boy did not have enough time to put his pants back on.  He ran into the closet.  All he heard was his brother and his friends whispering "Don't tell." The sister walks in wondering what everyone was doing. All was ignored due to lies.

  No one-not the brother or his friends- ever talked about what happened.  It would happen every now and then until the little boy and his family moved three years after.  The boy would have been three the first time it happened. 


 Why?  I do not think we will ever know or understand.  The little boys relationship with his brother was never the same.  Either the big brother felt guilty or just grew up not accepting the little boy. I have no idea. The little boy grew up confused about love and how to be loved.

  The little boy also believes he was molested by a man around that same time.  All the little boy remembers are crazy situations.  I will leave it at that.


  Please do not hurt kids.  It will impact and change them and who they are to become.  For real.  I would know.  

  I love you.  God rescues.  He rescued me.